So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
