Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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