I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
