you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
