mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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