She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
