Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
