You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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