Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
