woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
