god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish you could order shots online.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
