My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
