if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
