My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
