sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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