Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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