Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
