im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
