Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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