the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
