Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well you can't waste a boner
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
