It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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