Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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