I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
