I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to jail i love you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
