Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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