You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
