so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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