i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
