DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
