Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
and you fell through a lawn chair
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
