I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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