Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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