I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
