i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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