And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
