You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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