found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think i have herpe
just one?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
