I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
