First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
