i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you had me at cake vodka
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
