i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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