Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
