I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
