I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
