I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My vagina just clenched in fear
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize