At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
