M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
