your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
