Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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