we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
