Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
