What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
