Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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