i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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