Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
