with your own penis?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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