why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
