I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
