I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
