you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
