if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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