Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
