OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
