Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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