My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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