I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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