I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
